Author Archives: Bruiser

I want to love you.

Game: Indiana Jones and the Emperor’s Tomb

Released: 2003

Publisher: Lucas Arts

Platform: PC / XBOX / PS2

Available Here: GOG.com

I love Indiana Jones games. Love them. I have such fond memories of playing Fate of Atlantis with my old man way past my bed time on Saturday nights. I played The Infernal Machine every time I went to stay with my grandmother. So, imagine how fast I hammered the download button on GOG when I saw that Indiana Jones and the Emperor’s Tomb popped up on sale.

Continue reading

I haven’t been able to fit into a hole that size since I was 4 years old.

 

I DON’T WANNA MISS A THING!

Game: The Dig

Released: November 1995

Publisher: Lucas Arts

I went into The Dig only knowing a small portion of the story.  What I expected was a point and click adventure about 3 astronauts saving the world from an asteroid. Let’s be honest here- I was really looking forward to making a lot of Armageddon jokes and doing my best to explain why Deep Impact is the better movie. Hint: It’s because the Earth gets its ass handed to it.

Continue reading

You were always on my mind…

It happens like that sometimes you know? Real life getting in the way of your retro game hobby… Ssshhh… It’s okay baby, I’m here now and that’s all that matters.

This weekend I’m going to be playing and talking about “The Dig”. This is a classic Lucas Arts point and click adventure co-produced by Steven Spielberg. An asteroid is heading towards earth, and only you and your team of astronauts can save humanity. Can you beat the clock? What mysteries await you in the unforgiving vacuum of space? Wouldn’t it have been easier to train astronauts to drill instead of training drillers to be astronauts? Which one is Deep Impact again?

Continue reading

Blam Blam Blam- Cops on the Beat.

The Police Quest series of games from Sierra really brought the tedium of by the books police work into full, living VGA 256 color. Today, I’m going to be talking about Police Quest 5: SWAT.

The rarely seen "Everyone shoot at the same time" tactic.

The rarely seen “Everyone shoot at the same time” tactic.

This FMV title starts with the player as a new recruit on the LAPD SWAT team. The game opens with some of the best hair that 1995 had to offer and, what every 12 year old on the family’s brand new Compaq wants to sit through, a painfully detailed briefing on professionalism and safety. You can skip it, but you’re going to be reprimanded by your superior officer for being impatient. I feel like the game is punishing me for wanting to get out there and bathe the streets with the crimson blood of justice  doing the best for my community and fellow officers.

Continue reading

More fun than a back alley chainfight.

You can tell you're about to be in for some serious shit.

You can tell you’re about to be in for some serious shit.

I remember two things about Full Throttle from when I was 9 years old.

  1. This was the most bad ass character in any computer game.
  2. I could never get past the first section and just gave up.

This point and click adventure tells the story of Ben, the bad ass leader of a bad ass motorcycle gang called the Polecats who is framed for murder and must fight to clear his name and triumph against the forces that want to kill motorcycles for good. Full Throttle features traditional Lucas Arts point and click action, as well as motorcycle combat sections that require the player to use chains, a mace, boards, and even a chainsaw to take out rival gang members. It’s a little violent for a Lucas Arts title, but there isn’t much blood or gore. It was released in 1995 by the same designers behind Grim Fandango, Psychonauts an Brutal Legend. If your a fan of either, (why wouldn’t you be?) you’ll be right at home with Full Throttle.

Continue reading

“I’m not putting my mouth on that.”

Lucas Arts used to make really fun computer games…. you know, when they existed. We also used to have a budget surplus and a deficit on Asian land wars.

Everyone knows Day of the Tentacle, Sam and Max, and Angela Landsbury’s Erotic Saga- but this weekend I’m going to dive into lesser known gems like Full Throttle, The Dig, and Loom.

 Handcuffs

<USE> handcuffs

I yelled “shit” and then fell over in my chair.

It was 1992. Kurt Cobain and Courtney love had just gotten married, and I uttered my first swear word. I don’t have any evidence, but I can’t help but feel that these two events are somehow related. That, somehow, my utterance of the word “shit” in the computer room had ruined grunge music and the alternative scene as a whole. That’s some heavy shit for a six year old to deal with.

Continue reading